Amy Oberholtzer, parent and CATCH Founder
When I was a child, I was allowed to watch TV. Every Friday night, we watched The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family. On Thursdays, my sister and I could watch The Waltons with my Dad and, occasionally, on a Saturday morning, we’d get to enjoy cartoons.
My folks were pretty strict about screen time. I spent my childhood outside and with my friends and neighbors, playing. I was lucky. It was the best.
When my kids were small, it was different. They did watch more television. They played video games, too (we all love Beatles Rock Band). But, most days, I had to implore my kids to come inside. I had to beg them off the driveway, out of the neighbors’ backyard, and to come home from the park.
I listened as they laughed, argued over rules of the game, dared each other, and called dibs on the last Gatorade.
Things keep changing. According to national data, about half of U.S. teens (ages 12–17) report four or more hours of recreational screen time each day, even when schoolwork is excluded from the count. (CDC)
For younger kids, research shows average daily screen use of roughly 2 1⁄2 hours for ages 8 and under. (Common Sense Media)
More often than not, kids and teens “connect” virtually. In a recent large study, more than one-third of children didn’t play outdoors after school on school days, a worrying trend given how critical unstructured outdoor play is for social and emotional development. (University of Exeter) Many are overscheduled with over planned, organized activities filling the few hours when they are not online.
The reality is that childhood is profoundly different than even 15 years ago.
But what we know about healthy child development has not changed. We know that play is critical for social and cognitive development. Children learn essential skills such as cooperation and conflict resolution while they play freely and explore independently. Playing and sharing interactions teach them how to navigate social encounters and build meaningful relationships. A study from the American Academy of Pediatrics showed that when kids play, their brains activate and neural connections change, eventually wiring a brain that’s capable of decision making, risk taking, problem solving and regulating, emotionally. (American Academy of Pediatrics)
So, how do we raise our kids in this confusing space in which we understand what our kids need and what’s best for their development and overall well-being? AND we are afraid of the world and afraid to let them explore it.
We don’t want to let our children out of our sight. When we do, we feel compelled to track their location with apps that follow them for us.
We don’t let our kids make choices that we don’t like. We don’t allow them to take risks or be bored, sad, frustrated, disappointed, or, worst of all, anxious.
And we wrestle with allowing them to emerge as who they ARE rather than who we think they are SUPPOSED to be.
Encouraging independence means letting go of parental control. This often results in feeling uncomfortable and anxious. While difficult, it’s vitally important to sit in that discomfort and ride it to the other side time and again. Our kids need to experience real challenges. They thrive from trying, failing, and trying again.
They need to understand the sting of disappointment and hurt so they can appreciate the joy of success and happiness. They need to discover their own self-reliance skills.
Our kids need to be certain, from the earliest age, that they are enough and that we are here to listen, support, and nurture them while they discover themselves.
On February 25th, I invite you to join me and CATCH for a conversation about parenting in today’s world. Together, we will talk about parenting with grit. I will share a recording of a recent conversation I had with my now adult daughter, Shawn, during which she shared some candid, relatable and valuable insights as we reflected on our journey together.
Come to this community conversation about identifying our values, setting aside fears and raising our kids to be confident, capable and enough as they are.
In Real Life is an essay series from CATCH in which people tell their stories in hopes others will find comfort in their experiences. Learn more.
