Parent of Young Adults
I don’t have clinical depression, and if you met me, you’d probably never suspect that I ever feel depressed. But I do.
I know it’s depression because it’s heavier than a sadness that hits in reaction to something specific. When I’m in a period of depression, I have to talk myself into starting my day. Typically, my alarm goes off and I just roll out of bed and get my morning going, no pep talk required. But when I’m depressed, it’s a whole thought process and convincing myself that I should get up and it’s to my benefit to get up right away, etc. You get the picture. It’s not all the time- I tend to dip in and out of depression- it lasts for a couple weeks and then it’s gone for months, but then it returns again like an uninvited guest.
My children showed signs of depression and anxiety in their tween and teen years, and I sought out therapists who taught us the language of self-regulation and coping skills. With this knowledge and my work with CATCH, I have developed the tools and skills to keep my depression at bay and know how to keep going when it shows up. But even with a well-stocked mental health toolbox, sometimes I feel unable to do the activities I know will help me feel better, like take a shower, go for a walk or call a friend. At times, I even struggle to meet my commitments at work, at home, and in my community.
My recent bouts with depression have given me new insights into what my kids’ might have felt when they experienced depression. I have a new understanding that even the seemingly small things they did to take care of themselves were actually incredibly difficult and mentally exhausting. And as they were learning how to keep moving, by being at school and participating in their activities while depressed, they might have benefited from more empathy than what I provided.
Now, watching them build their own lives, I’m newly aware of their perseverance and deeply grateful for what it’s still teaching me.
In Real Life is an essay series from CATCH in which people tell their stories in hopes others will find comfort in their experiences. Learn more.
