Don’t get me wrong. I want the pandemic to end. I’m heartbroken by the loss of life, the loss of jobs, and the countless disruptions for so many people, but for me, an anxious mother of two, I prefer these pandemic days.
In many ways, I’ve been living my best life, and I really am not ready to give it up and go back to normal.
I know I’m not the only one. Some reports indicate as many as 50% of Americans say they are experiencing re-entry anxiety. For those who fit in that group with me, I hope my thoughts here provide some comfort, and for anyone who can’t wait to get back out in the world, perhaps this essay will help you understand the other half.
What was so great about my pandemic life? Quite simply, my family and I experienced the most peaceful year since my children were born. All of the typical conflicts vanished when there was nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one with whom to interact.
We didn’t have to rush out the door to get to activities, events, and social outings. We weren’t racing the clock or worried about arriving late somewhere which can cause all kinds of stress en route when one kid is dreading the outing altogether and the other stresses about the awkwardness of walking in when everyone else is already there and you ‘have to explain where you were.’ (“Geez, Mom!” followed immediately by an eye roll.)
At the same time, I stopped worrying about planning vacations and visiting out-of-town family members. The travel and extended time away from home causes a lot of stress for my anxious child and, therefore, me, as the parent who bears the burden of this kid’s misery. I never felt so relieved to NOT be going on a trip.
Let’s also talk about the benefits of pandemic fashion. Not only did it work well for me, someone who prioritizes comfort above all else, but I did not miss the arguing about what other people (achem, my children) were wearing or planning to wear. No events meant no shopping for the right dress and the matching shoes or forcing my son to set foot in a clothing store. Staying home for anything and everything, especially holidays, required… well, not much in the way of attire.
And last, but certainly not least… I enjoyed a break from all the socializing. When the pandemic scrubbed the calendar of small get-togethers, big parties, sleepovers, and more, any potential drama fell by the wayside too. I no longer felt sad declining an invitation for my socially anxious kid, or hurt when my other child wasn’t included in some gathering. And of course, I didn’t have to deal with the emotional fallout of the event or the exhaustion that comes in the wake of it.
I recognize that I’m among the fortunate who were able to stay safe at home, and I am grateful for that, truly grateful. However, through my own mental health journey, I’ve learned it’s ok to feel your feelings and comparing my life to someone else’s is useless. We all have our own struggles, and while some face greater challenges than others, whatever hurdle you are facing is important.
So yes, I will allow myself the time to experience the disappointment of leaving behind my peaceful pandemic life, and I will ease back into the world, but I am not going to jump back into everything right away. If you are in my 50%, I hope you will give yourself the grace to go at your own pace. For those in the other half, please give us some time. It’s not that we don’t want to rejoin, we just may need a moment or two as we tiptoe back into society.
In Real Life is an essay series from CATCH in which people tell their stories in hopes others will find comfort in their experiences. Learn more.
