By, a 13-year-old local middle school student
Hi! I am a 13 year old girl with OCD and anxiety and I am here to share four things I wish adults understood about adolescents’ mental health. These are things I’ve noticed in my own life and in the lives of other kids I know. Everyone is different, but I hope these ideas help adults better support the kids in their lives.
1. Create a safe space for the conversation.
This one is for parents of kids struggling with their mental health. Sometimes kids do not tell you what is making them uncomfortable because they are scared. They may worry that you will get angry at them, or make the conversation even more uncomfortable.
When you talk to your kid, try to do it in a place where they feel safe and comfortable. Don’t start off by saying “we need to talk” because that can feel scary right away. Instead, remind them that you are there to support them no matter what. It can also help to use some humor and lighten up the conversation instead of making it completely serious. Try not to react over-emotionally right away as your kid might think you are angry at them, even when you are just worried.
2. Comfort matters more than easy answers.
This is another message for parents: please don’t just give your kids the easiest answer to their problem. When it comes to mental health, simple advice usually does not fix what they are feeling.
Do not say “just calm down and relax” which could be a good solution but not what kids need to hear at that moment. What many kids really want is comfort. You could say something like, “Hey, I know you are feeling pretty down right now. I’m going to give you a big hug and maybe we can play a game or watch a show to help you calm down.”
That may not be the right response for every kid or every family, and I know parents are not always available in the same way all the time. But my point is this: kids usually want comfort, not perfect solutions. When it comes to mental health, there often is no perfect solution.
3. Get to know what your kid actually needs.
This is for all adults. Please take the time to learn what your kid wants and what they need to help them. Reading books or learning about kids’ mental health is a good thing, but it should not be the only thing you rely on. You also need to get to know your own kid.
Everyone is different. So you shouldn’t only rely on someone else’s writing to tell you how to help your kid the best. Some kids need fidgets. Some need comfort. Some just need space to talk through their feelings and feel heard. Just please make sure that what you are doing is right for your kid in supporting them because I know that every parent wants to help their kid to their max capacity.
4. Therapy can make a real difference.
I also want to share how important therapy has been for me. She is very knowledgeable about mental health, and she helps me feel comfortable talking about things I might not want to share with my parents.
Just know that starting therapy can be hard on kids. At first, I was nervous and did not really know what to do. But I stuck with it, and over time I started to feel more comfortable and began to share things with her. I also love that she is an art therapist. I think some kids who feel nervous about therapy might like an art therapist or music therapist instead of a traditional talk therapist.
These are suggestions based on my personal experiences and what I have noticed in other people my age. So please don’t take these as things you have to do. They are just suggestions from someone going through what your kid may be going through too. I hope they give adults a better understanding of how they can help. Thanks for reading!
In Real Life is an essay series from CATCH in which people tell their stories in hopes others will find comfort in their experiences. Learn more.
