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What are you supposed to do when your teenage brain is full of worries about anxiety and depression? When your friends are struggling with their own mental health? When your parents just don’t understand?
During a CATCH presentation, Real Talk for Teens: Mental Health: Anxiety, Depression and Suicide (February 11, 2021), Erica Leibrandt, LCPC, RYT, Sound Mind Counseling, said you can improve your situation by using the right language to connect to others and discovering the tools, insights, and resources to empower yourself.
Leibrandt got real right away by sharing her own story, explaining that she had recently watched videos of her son and of the day he died by suicide in 2004. “We were humbled by the amount of people that turned out to mourn him,” she said, adding, “He would have been stunned at the grief that his death caused, and I tell you that to tell you that each and everyone one of you would cause that reaction in people. You matter. Your life is important. There’s no way that you could leave this earth and no one would notice.”
With that stark statement, Leibrandt dove into a detailed discussion of teenage mental health.
Mental Health vs. Mental Illness
When your mental health is on solid ground, you feel positive about your mind and body. You feel safe, you are able to cope, and you know there are people you can trust. You have a sense of connection, you know you are loved, and that your voice counts. You have a sense of purpose. This “why am I here” question is particularly complicated for teens working to find a sense of place.
On the other hand, mental illness can be debilitating, occuring on a spectrum at varying intensities. It can be triggered by the brain, if neurons aren’t firing properly in your head, or by the environment, like a dysfunctional family life or too many perceived outside pressures. (It’s important to understand the cause of mental illness because that determines how it’s treated.) Mental illness affects 20% of American teens, however, Leibrandt believes it’s underreported and that at least 50% of teens likely suffer with mental illness. The good news is it’s treatable. You can feel better!
“We have lots of ways to treat mental illness now including tons of interventions like talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, art therapy, and medication,” she said.
Anxiety & Depression
The most common mental health issues in teenagers are anxiety and depression. They may appear separately, but often, a teen will experience both, and one may cause the other. Anxiety presents with more physical symptoms like trembling or sweating.
Leibrandt shared a self checklist to evaluate your own mental health as well as a list of symptoms of anxiety and depression. If any of the symptoms appear for two weeks or more and are disrupting your ability to function on a daily basis, you should seek help.
Self-check… Am I ok?
- Recurring thoughts
- Negative self talk
- Avoiding people you usually want to see
- Feeling like you literally can’t get out of bed
- Can’t sleep
- Believe you have a major problem you can’t solve and no one can help
- Feel like everything is pointless
- Are consumed by anger, sadness or fear
- Can’t eat, never hungry or eating all the time
- Feel dizzy, disoriented, sweaty
- Don’t want to do the things you usually enjoy
- Drinking or doing drugs to escape or numb yourself
- Going to some dark places in your mind, thinking about death
Finding Help: How to Talk to Adults
While Leibrandt encouraged teens to reach out to an adult for help, she also acknowledged, quite frankly, “Adults are annoying. Teen after teen says adults don’t know how to listen and don’t think teens problems are real.” Why do well-meaning adults so often miss the mark? Adults tend to look at teens through an adult lens, not a teen lens, Leibrandt said. However, there are some good ones around, so, teens, choose wisely. Find an adult who will respond with calm and compassion. You can say, “Hey adult, I’ve got some stuff going on. Can you listen without freaking out?” If your adult can’t keep their cool, say “thanks anyway” and find another adult.
Talking to Other Teens
Teens often turn to one another because, as Leibrandt stated so bluntly, adults are annoying. However, friends may feel a great deal of pressure because they want to help but aren’t sure how. Leibrandt offered this advice:
- First, listen, without thinking about what you might need to do next.
- Try to figure out how bad things are. Tune into your gut. Ask questions like: How dark is it getting for you? Don’t worry about what you have to do. Just be in the moment for your friend.
- Notice if your friend is pushing you away, but don’t take it personally. If they are isolating, that’s a red flag, and you should seek help or advice.
- If they say something like “I just want to die,” take it seriously and tell a trusted adult even if the friend tells you not to do so. It’s better to break a promise than have a friend die.
- Keep reaching out even if your friend doesn’t seem to want to connect with you.
- Remember that there’s no perfect answer and that whatever happens is not in your control.
“If your friend decides to make a horrible decision despite your best efforts to help them, that is not on you. you have to accept that you are not in control,” Leibrandt said.
Understanding the Suicidal Mind
When someone dies by suicide, loved ones left behind often feel betrayed, but Leibrandt said, in no uncertain terms, “Suicide is not selfish. When someone is in a suicidal state of mind, their brain is like a burning building. They are in so much pain inside their head, for them, the only option is to escape and that’s to take their life. They are not thinking of friends or family or anything else besides the pain in their head that they need to stop right then and there.”
Accepting Uncomfortable Emotions
While it may be tempting to push aside the uncomfortable emotions, anger and anxiety are good things that serve a purpose. They activate and motivate us to do things, to be productive, to defend ourselves from injustice, and to create all the wonderful things we are destined to produce in our lives. When anger and anxiety paralyze us, that’s when it becomes a problem.
Harmful Responses to Mental Health Issue
When your mental health is unstable, be aware that some actions you think are solutions may actually become new problems. For example, some teens self-harm because they either want to NOT feel emotions or they want to feel something. In addition to the physical danger, self-harm can devolve into a secret and causes shame. Some teens may also turn to drinking, drugs, and promiscuity to numb or solve problems, but all of that behavior can lead to other serious consequences. Furthermore, a disordered relationship with food develops when a teen is either eating to numb themselves or starving themselves as a way of feeling in control.
Helpful Self-Care
Rather than taking part in destructive behavior when you are in a negative state of mind and caught in a neural loop where the troubling thoughts go around and around in your head, you can get off that track, and find a calmer, more objective place with these steps:
- Journal
- Draw
- Run
- Scream
- Write a letter that you aren’t going to send. (i.e. If your parents are upsetting you, you may feel better by writing them a letter, but you may not want to share it.)
- Take a break
- Light a candle and practice mindfulness
- Hold an ice cube
- Call or text someone
- Feel stuff (Let the emotions out. It’s ok to have feelings.)
- Pet a dog/cat
- Get into nature
- Meditate
- Walk
If these things aren’t working and you are in a truly suicidal state, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Remember that mental health changes throughout our lives. There may be times when you feel healthy, hopeful, and purposeful, and other moments when things may feel pretty bleak. Knowing that you CAN feel better will give you the motivation to push on through the difficult stretches.
Finally, despite what you may see on social media, we all struggle. “Everyone has a lot of bad days,” Leibrandt said. “It’s part of being human. You have to cultivate resilience. Know that you are strong, stronger than you think you are. If you don’t feel strong, get connected with someone who can infuse you with strength and who can inspire you to keep going.”
Watch the entire recording of Real Talk for Teens.
View the presentation slides.
