Introduction
Dr. Lisa Novak, a clinical psychologist and CATCH board member, introduced the session by highlighting the community’s recent trauma and the challenges of parenting in its aftermath. She welcomed Michelle Magida, a licensed clinical professional counselor and founder of Therapy Ect., who has extensive experience helping families heal from trauma, including her work after the Highland Park High School mass shooting.
Michelle emphasized that parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and while the instinct to protect children is natural, the real goal is to teach them how to cope when they experience hurt or pain.
Key Themes and Takeaways
1. Connection vs. Protection
- The autonomic nervous system constantly scans for safety, shifting between connection (social engagement) and protection (fight, flight, or freeze).
- Trauma can leave parents and children stuck in “protection mode,” leading to irritability, hypervigilance, or emotional shutdown.
- Action Step: Prioritize honest, age-appropriate communication to maintain trust and connection with children.
2. Sharing Feelings in Age-Appropriate Ways
- Use simple language to name emotions (e.g., “I feel worried about the changes”).
- Pair feelings with actionable plans (e.g., “Let’s check in after school so I know you’re safe”).
- Action Step: Focus on consistency and predictability to help children feel secure.
3. Adjusting Expectations
- Post-trauma, previously realistic expectations may no longer be reasonable for parents or children.
- Action Step: Reevaluate demands on yourself and your child, and recognize regressive behaviors (e.g., clinginess, sleep disruptions) as signs of unmet needs.
4. Identifying When Help Is Needed
Monitor three areas of functioning:
- Social: How children interact with others.
- Emotional: How they treat themselves (self-care, self-talk).
- Academic/Occupational: Ability to meet daily responsibilities.
- Red Flags: Significant changes in sleep, eating, hygiene, or social withdrawal.
- Action Step: Seek professional support if struggles persist beyond four weeks or impact multiple areas of life.
5. Trauma Responses vs. ADHD
- Trauma can mimic ADHD symptoms (e.g., trouble focusing, disorganization).
- Action Step: Break tasks into smaller steps and reduce multi-step directions to avoid overwhelming children.
6. Engaging Schools
- Schools can offer accommodations (e.g., hall passes, check-ins) for struggling students.
- Action Step: Communicate openly with teachers about your child’s needs, even if you live outside the immediate community.
7. Supporting Anxious or Avoidant Teens
- For teens who seem indifferent or overly controlled (e.g., perfectionism), validate their feelings without pressure.
- Action Step: Use specific questions (e.g., “How was your math test?”) to spark conversations instead of broad ones like “How was your day?”
8. Caring for Yourself as a Parent
- Model self-compassion by adjusting expectations (e.g., “My best looks different right now”).
- Action Step: Seek your own support to avoid transferring anxiety to children.
9. Grounding Techniques for Anxiety
- Combat “waiting for the next shoe to drop” anxiety by grounding in the present (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, tactile sensations).
Closing Thoughts
Michelle and Dr. Novak underscored that healing is nonlinear and emphasized the importance of community, honesty, and self-compassion. Parents were encouraged to reach out for help early and often, both for their children and themselves.
Final Message:
“Our goal isn’t to avoid negative emotions but to manage our responses to them.”
About the Speaker
Michelle Magida, PhD, PCPC, BS1, Therapy ETC.
