Introduction
Amy Oberholtzer, Executive Director of CATCH, introduced Kelly Graffiti, a licensed clinical social worker and developmental therapist from Sound Mind Counseling. Kelly specializes in helping families navigate the challenges of parenting a child with mental health struggles while maintaining healthy family dynamics. The session focused on communication strategies, emotional regulation, and fostering connection within families.
Key Themes and Takeaways
1. Understanding Mental Illness
- Mental illness, as defined by the DSM-5, causes clinically significant distress or impairment in daily functioning.
- Some conditions are manageable with therapy and/or medication, while others require more intensive support.
- Action Step: Normalize discussions about mental health early to reduce stigma and build emotional literacy.
2. Modeling Emotional Regulation
- Children learn to handle stress by observing caregivers. Reactions to everyday challenges (e.g., spilled milk) teach self-regulation.
- Action Step: Label emotions (e.g., “I feel frustrated”) and demonstrate healthy coping strategies (e.g., taking deep breaths).
3. Communication Techniques
- Avoid labels: Focus on behaviors and needs rather than diagnoses (e.g., “She’s struggling with big feelings” vs. “She’s bipolar”).
- Use “I” statements: Example: “I feel worried when you don’t tell me where you’re going.”
- Ask open-ended questions: Instead of “How was your day?” try “What was the hardest part of your day?”
- Action Step: Hold weekly family meetings to discuss concerns and celebrate wins.
4. Handling Crisis Situations
- For self-harm or suicidal ideation:
- Immediate action: Go to the nearest ER for a risk assessment.
- Harm reduction: If inpatient care isn’t needed, create a safety plan with therapists (e.g., alternative coping strategies).
- Action Step: Practice non-judgmental listening. Example: “Tell me what you were feeling when this happened.”
5. Repairing Relationships
- Conflicts are inevitable; repair is key.
- For younger kids: Use play or art to process feelings.
- For teens: Allow space before revisiting the issue (e.g., “Let’s talk tomorrow when we’re calm”).
- Action Step: Model apologies with accountability: “I’m sorry I yelled. Next time, I’ll take a walk to cool down.”
6. Navigating Extended Family
- Set boundaries: Share only what you’re comfortable with. Example: “We’re working with a therapist on strategies for anxiety.”
- Educate gently: For skeptical relatives: “ADHD isn’t about laziness; his brain works differently.”
- Action Step: Protect your child from harmful comments while teaching self-advocacy (e.g., “Grandma, I need quiet time now”).
Q&A Highlights
Q: How much should I share with siblings about a child’s mental health struggles?
A: Tailor discussions to age and maturity. For a 6-year-old: “Your brother feels sad sometimes and needs extra hugs.” For teens: Involve them in safety plans or therapy sessions if appropriate.
Q: How do I respond to relatives who judge my parenting?
A: Set firm boundaries: “We’re following expert advice. If you’d like to learn more, I can share resources.”
Q: My child refuses to talk after conflicts. What now?
A: Offer alternatives like journaling, drawing, or texting their feelings.
Q: How can I help my child with OCD if their parent isn’t addressing it?
A: Approach gently: “I noticed Alicia seems anxious about X. How can I support her?” Avoid criticism.
Closing Message
Kelly emphasized that mental health is a lifelong journey, not a “fixable” problem. The goal is to create a supportive, communicative home where all members feel valued.
Final Tip
“Your child’s diagnosis is part of them—not all of them. Focus on connection, not perfection.”
Resources
- Smart Love: The Comprehensive Guide to Understanding, Regulating and Enjoying Your Child by Martha Heineman Pieper and William J. Pieper
- The Parallel Process: Growing Alongside Your Adolescent or Young Adult Child in Treatment by Krissy Pozatek MSW
About the Speaker
Kelli Scafidi LCSW, MSW, DT, Clinical Supervisor, Sound Mind Counseling
