Anyone scrolling through TikTok may accidentally see the recent heartbreaking video of a man’s death by suicide. CATCH reached out to local mental health experts for advice for parents on how to talk with their children about this tragedy and the difficult topic of suicide.
The death of Ronnie McNutt is a tragic event that, unfortunately, adults, teens, and children may have seen. This American veteran was struggling with mental health issues and his suicide was streamed live on Facebook and then copied and shared on TikTok in the “For You” trending homepage. Initially, the video started with a picture of Mr. McNutt, a brown-haired, bearded man, sitting in front of a computer screen, and, if kids saw this, they could pass by quickly and report it. However, some people have embedded this video in other clips so that viewers are tricked into watching this heartbreaking suicide. In other words, even if kids are aware of what to watch for, it’s possible that they might be unintentionally exposed. Suspending your family’s use of the app for a while is likely the best way to keep from viewing this heartbreaking moment
“As you know, information travels at the speed of light these days– especially content like this. Stay calm,” said Erica Leibrandt, LCPC, RYT, MA, of Sound Mind Counseling, Glenview and a mom to two 16 year old boys, one of whom tragically took his life in 2004.
Leibrandt recommends parents initiate a conversation with their child by saying, “Do you know about this video? I want to take a minute to connect with you about it either way so I can get a sense about what you’re thinking or would think about it.”
She also suggests: Ask your child directly if they’ve seen the video.
If the answer is yes, ask non-judgmental questions such as:
- How did seeing it make you feel?
- Was it scary, weird, gross, confusing?
- How did your friends react?
- How did their reaction make you feel?
- Why do you think someone might make this video/take their own lives?
- Is this something you ever think about?
If the answer is no, ask:
- Are you wanting to look at it or avoid it? Why?
- How do you feel about the fact that it’s gone viral and everyone seems to be watching it?
Then, Dr. Genevieve Nehrt, Psy.D., Compassionate Psychological Care, Highland Park, advises talking to your child about deleting the app for a few days so this content can pass through filters and TikTok can get rid of accounts that have posted it.
We all know telling a child not to do something, like watch this video, may seem like a dare to them, so what can parents say to make sure they are taken seriously?
“Tell kids, these terrible images will linger long after whatever curiosity you have about them now is satisfied, and can actually cause mental health problems,” said Leibrandt, explaining the syndrome, Secondary Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which can cause insomnia, obsessive thinking, anxiety, panic, self isolation, and self harm among other things.
Nehrt says parents may point out the importance of not looking for the image out of respect for Mr. McNutt’s family. “Unfortunately for his family, Mr. McNutt’s death has been turned into a viral event, people have made memes out of his death, and have used his picture as their profile picture. In addition to having to grieve the loss of their loved one, they have had to see his tragic death be mocked and circulated around the viral community,” explains Nehrt.
“Facebook and TikTok have attempted to do their best to identify, remove and ban users who are posting a link to the video. Your child may or may not go looking for this link. If they do, this is a good opportunity to talk about their interest in the topic of suicide, if they have ever thought about hurting themselves and about Mr. McNutt’s permanent solution to a temporary feeling,” said Nehrt.
How do parents talk to their children about suicide?
Leibrandt advises parents to approach the conversation gently and directly: “I want you to know a couple of things about stuff like this. Is it ok if I share them with you?” If you just get the teenage shrug, use that as an entry point. Ask questions like: Why do you think someone would take their own life? Why do you think they would share a video of it this way? Is it something you ever think about for yourself?
Kids are likely to have a range of emotions and reactions. Nehrt says none of those feelings is wrong or bad, the key is responding with validation and even your own thoughts. “It’s okay to share what you might be feeling – scared, sad, angry that his death is publicized in this way. Sometimes letting kids know what you are feeling in relation to these scary events makes it easier for them to share too,” she said.
Also, Nehrt and Leibrandt both encourage parents to ask the difficult question: Have you ever thought about hurting yourself? “Regardless of the answer, letting your kids know that you love them, they are important, and that the world would be worse off without them is important. If they talk about having feelings like this, you’ve created a great opportunity to talk with them about getting support from a professional,” said Nehrt. Again, she said you should remind your child that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary feeling.
Passive vs. Active Suicidal Ideation
“The vast majority of us will experience passive suicidal thinking in our lifetimes — it’s normal. What that means is that we imagine what it would be like not to be alive but we have no plan to die,” Leibrandt said, adding “Active suicidal ideation involves planning and imagining the actual method by which we mean to kill ourselves. This is MUCH more dangerous. If you are brave enough to normalize suicidal thinking when you talk to your teens and can say, “I think everyone thinks about it at some point– what about you?” you will open the door to further explore whether they seem more active or more passive in their thoughts — should they have them at all. You’ll be surprised how much information you can get out of kids regarding this if you stay calm and conversational. If you get any sense that there is some suicidal intensity, continue to keep it light but call a professional as soon as possible.”
September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month
This tragic event comes in the midst of Suicide Prevention Awareness Month — a time specifically designated to share information in an effort to shed light on this topic. At the same time, reports of depression are on the rise in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic making it more important than ever to ensure that individuals, friends and families have access to the resources they need to discuss suicide prevention.
If you, your child, or anyone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, encourage them to reach out to a professional or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255. Responders are available 24 hours a day and have professionals in both English and Spanish languages.
Here are additional valuable mental health resources:
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
- Rebecca’s Dream
- No Shame on U
For additional local resources, contact CATCH.
Thank you to Dr. Genevieve Nehrt, Psy.D., Compassionate Psychological Care, and Erica Leibrandt, LCPC, RYT, MA, Sound Mind Counseling, for their thoughtful guidance on this tragic event.
